Being a parent is the most challenging role in the world.
Persistant doubting questions:
"How much is too much discipline?"
"When do I show grace?"
"Boundaries are good, arent they?"
"God can use poor past choices for His glory right?"
"High expectations for achievement in school and extra-curricular is healthy, right?"
"Expected participation in a sport is good for the body, mind and spirit, correct?"
"How much money is
too much money for those sport participation expectations?"
"I am
just a steward of what I have, I mean, its not really mine anyway?"
"A lack of a healthy relationship with an earthly father will impact how I father?"
"Do I have what it takes to be a dad?"
I once started to read a book by John Eldridge where he stated that God wants those of us considered "fatherless" to run to Him with His arms wide open and jump into them and call Him "daddy". I couldnt finish that book.
When I try to picture this in my mind it grinds to a halt. I have trouble conceiving God as dad.
(Another post sometime about my Dads could be healing, but not now.)
I confess.
I have prayed the following more than once.
"Oh Lord, as a fatherless father I am clueless. I am a mess and have no idea what I am doing. Help. I need you."
All this as my Amy is away on a church winter retreat and I am repeatedly asking God to care for her and that I dont wanna mess up His work in her life. To be her Father in each and everyway in which I fall short. To meet the needs in her life of which I am not even remotely aware. Even the ones I am aware of, I feel inadequate.
Isnt this the essence of living by faith?
We were challenged this weekend at our church to live by faith like Gideon. To walk into battle against 135,000 midianites not with 32,000 fighting men but 300. To live like this is illogical and to some, foolish. Read it
here for yourselves.
Being a parent is the most challenging role in the world.
It requires "Gideon-like" faith.
Joe
